Managing Self

The mind responds to fear in social situations with egocentric defense mechanisms. If we turn away from an opportunity from fear of failure or fear of rejection, we back-rationalize our reasoning in order to silence the guilt or anxiety we feel by explaining away in our mind how our decision was actually rooted in superior logic - not primitive fear. Our natural instinct is to lie to ourselves to protect ourselves from being hurt by the truth.

While this automatic soothing of the ego may resolve our immediate discomfort, it does nothing to bring us closer to our goals. In fact, it is a barrier to social and career growth. It is a harmful habit which we owe it to ourselves to remove from our life. Holding onto a private sense of superiority which does not align with our social reality may be a natural and common way to protect ourselves from the harsh external reality that we face, but it is delusional. So, let’s get to the root and rip it out.

An example of such a scenario could be going into a job interview. If we allow fear to take focus - fear of an undesirable outcome and what could go wrong - we involuntarily share this with our interviewer through our body language and vocal tone. Humans are naturally adept at picking up the feelings others think they can hide. We will not have the comfortable demeanor that the interviewer expects in a qualified candidate. Even if we are fully qualified and experienced for the role, we are betrayed by our nervous appearance. We combat this by proactively facing our fears.

It is not practical or productive to spend time ruminating on every potential problem that could occur in the complicated logistics of daily life. We must reach into the core of our identity to sort out the roots which our behaviors stem from. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is a useful tool in identifying our primal fears and desires which are hardwired into us as human beings.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

• Physical & Safety Needs: Food, shelter, and such basic human needs are foundational to higher needs but typically taken for granted in the developed world and not necessary to discuss in the scope of career growth beyond simply having some form of income to sustain basic civilized survival.


• Belonging: We all need to feel we are included in some close-knit social group. This could be a family, a team, a club, or anything in which we have long-term relationships characterized by mutual trust and respect. Consider areas in your life where you have this and where this is lacking. Every group we interact with does not need to fulfill this need. However, we benefit from being aware of this need in moments when we could be making a tactical error or being manipulated due to wanting this need to be fulfilled in an area where it is lacking. People who do not have at least one source of fulfillment for their need to belong tend to be easily manipulated by anyone who appears to offer this in some way.


• Esteem: There are two sides to our esteem needs: social esteem and self-esteem. We nourish our social esteem needs through interactions in social situations in which we demonstrate our value to others. The fruits of this labor are status, fame, or any public-facing symbol of personal importance in the eyes of other people. The other esteem was considered of higher importance to Maslow. Self-esteem can be thought of as self-respect and is built by investing in developing our own individual qualities. Proving our own competence in matters we value is the path to strengthening our inner confidence. This sense of private inner self-confidence cannot be faked. Others can sense instinctively whether we harbor this sense of self-esteem. We are turned off when we sense an inflated level of self-esteem in others which does not align with their social status or some valued knowledge or ability. This mismatch may signal that the individual holds a delusionally high self-esteem or could be mentally ill or intoxicated. Regardless of the explanation, humans are programmed to be uneasy around this and avoid getting entangled with those people. Keeping this in mind while calibrating our own expressions of self-esteem, we can appreciate the value of behaving authentically and in accord with the amount of self-esteem we honestly feel. If we reflect and find that our sense of social or self esteem are inadequate, the only appropriate solution is to continue working on our personal growth to gradually reach greater levels. It takes time and must be earned.


• Cognitive: We find ourselves constantly seeking out information to use in the pursuit of our ambitions. Our natural desire to be creative, manipulate our environment, and design systems sum up the human cognitive need. Are you satisfying your cognitive needs with information fuel that supports your long-term objectives? When you make important decisions, are you taking time to consider your life from a high level view as a harmonious system of nodes? Your life is your design. You are the architect. You are the engineer. You are the artist.


• Aesthetic: If the aforementioned needs are satisfied, we discover a need for our physical environment to suit our preferences. We begin to appreciate more deeply the beauty of our world and demand to experience it more intimately. If our social and financial affairs are in order, we may opt into a fitness or dietary routine which we previously scoffed at or told ourselves we didn’t have time or resources for. We may take greater pride in keeping our home and work space organized. Do you consciously make your living and working environments a reflection of your inner self? Do you feel gratification when your home environment is organized and clean? Do you feel a sense of awe while immersed in nature? Make a conscious effort to make your personal appearance and environment a reflection of your soul.


• Self-actualization: Once you have begun to follow the path of our natural interests and creative preferences, you have gotten to know yourself enough to begin the process of self-actualization. At this stage, you have a fairly clear vision of how to reach your full potential and a powerful drive to do so grows inside. The petty opinions and nay-saying of others (perhaps resulting from envy, competition, or projected inner self doubt) is automatically transmuted into personal optimization data or discarded as would be the barking of a dog or chirping of a bird. On the foundation you built of the satisfaction of your lower level needs, you will now task yourself with becoming all that you can be. You will spend your life force honing your body and mind into the being which serves your world in a powerful and unique way which only you as a unique individual could ever do. This could mean being the parent to your children which you desperately needed when you were a child. This could mean taking a management job in order to ethically serve your direct reports and save them from the agony of working under a tyrannical egomaniacal superior as you have done multiple times during your early career. Maybe for you self-actualization is writing a movie script which shocks the world and implants ideas into the culture which change the world for the better. We each have a unique path and we do not know where it leads until we arrive.

Imagine a properly functioning engine representing a healthy balanced life. The activities we devote our time and energy to are the individual components that make up the whole. No matter how well-made and high-performing some of the components may be, they become useless if other components are damaged or missing. For example, if you are crushing it at work and in your social life but your health takes a dive, every aspect of your life will suddenly be affected. If you are in peak physical shape, stress-free from daily meditation and yoga, but get fired from your job for missing deadlines, then you will abruptly be forced to sacrifice your physical and mental health routines in order to focus on finding a new job. We have a responsibility to ourselves to maintain balance between all the vital areas of our lives.

Diving into a new interest, job, or hobby head first is not a bad thing. It is actually a positive signal of healthy energy levels. New things are exciting. But when we take on a new adventure we could be neglecting vital parts of our life which are foundational to the newer tasks which draw our attention away. In some situations, this could be a case of Shiny Object Syndrome. Experimenting with various options and trying new things is necessary for growth. We must also maintain balance between all the parts of our life that we need or value.

In Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power, he recommends viewing our interactions as objectively as possible. Surface-level topics symbolize deeper meaning. We must practice observing the deeper meaning behind our interactions to understand the predictable patterns at play. If we already understand our own psychological needs (as discussed earlier in this page), we can observe how these needs play into our decisions. As we grow accustomed to drawing these connections between our behavior and our deeper desires, making decisions which serve our needs becomes easy and greatly rewarding.

Anyone in a position of authority dealing with other human beings will either stagnate at whatever skill level they happen to be at, or else discover a drive within themself to continually expand their understanding of people. Those who stagnate believe that exercising control over themselves and others means forcing interactions to turn out as they plan in advance. This is a recipe for undue stress and disappointment. The secret to control of human interactions is letting go of the outcome. If you are communicating authentically and in accordance with your values it is safe to simply let conversations flow. This requires being in touch with and aware of our personal values and the values of the organization we represent. Within this framework, we are free to meet all interactions with genuine curiosity. In controlling our communication with a meaningful set of values to embody, we enable the best results to unfold naturally.

Allow me to make you aware of a practice which I call the psychological immune system. This involves building a habit. Like all habits, it requires your attention for a time and eventually becomes automatic and operates in the background of your mind - serving you at all times. The three habits that make up this psychological immune system are: maintaining conscious awareness of your emotional state, monitoring and taking mental note of how you instinctually react to all different types of situations, and making a continuous conscious effort to nudge your emotional responses in an evermore productive direction. Building up your psychological immune system will have a noticeable positive impact in all areas of your life.

How do we draw the boundaries of our domain? What should we try to control? In a business setting, we must command what we are responsible for. In the same way that it is possible to waste energy and cause harm to ourselves and others by trying to force outcomes in social interactions, we must recognize the same concept applies to our job duties. It is our responsibility to approach each task with openness and curiosity - taking in relevant information and seeing things as they are not in a state of blind robotic repetition. In seeing our duty with a clear mind, we will see where our tasks may overlap with or border against tasks of our coworkers and colleagues. These areas of connection open up opportunities for collaboration, interpersonal connection, and shared learning. If our task borders in some way with theirs, we have a responsibility to hold awareness of them and their activity and openness to the potential of the border evolving into an overlap. In the event of an overlap, we are given the opportunity for collaboration - communicating needs and vision back and forth and repeatedly reassessing and adjusting for optimal results on both sides.

Just as cells in the body are separate but part of the one, humans working in the same team, company, and industry are unique individuals making up a greater entity. One cell or even one organ alone cannot have the insight needed to operate the entire body. It is the communication and open interaction between all the parts which enable the amazing existence of the human body and mind. In the same way, each of us are cells and our companies are organs of our industries and industries are organs of the global economy.